My phone rang early this morning with the caller ID showing London, U.K. It was a producer from BBC Radio asking if I would be available in a few hours to talk about a wedding story that was going viral on Twitter. Of course I said yes. The story that got their attention can be seen here…

U.K. Bridesmaid Fired From U.S. Wedding Party Via Email

I promptly went to work writing a list of the Top 5 things that will get you fired as a Bridesmaid. Here is the list developed…

5: The Trendy-ness Expert

This Bridesmaid wants to weigh on how “trendy” or “non-trendy” you choices are from the dresses, to the colors, to the flowers and so on. Whether you want to be a trend-setter, trend-follower, or one who just ignores the trends preferring instead to just follow your own heart (my personal favorite)…your “Trendy-ness Expert” Bridesmaid’s vocal opinions and judgements about your choices could start to make her presence more of a burden over time. Tell her that she can make her own wedding super trendy…when she gets married. But this is your wedding (not hers) and you don’t need or want her critique.

4: The TMZ Reporter

This Bridesmaid spends so much of her free time talking behind so many people’s backs that eventually word will get back to you. And you know deep down that she is probably doing the same thing to you whenever you leave the room. Tell this gossip to mind her own business and only speak when she has something nice to say. If she can’t abide this reasonable request, cut her loose.

3: The Penny Pincher

This Bridesmaid says yes to the dress (buying the Bridesmaid dress) but winds up too broke to pick it up when the time comes. She will wait until the last minute to back out of the pre-wedding activities with a lame excuse designed to cover up for her inability to cover her own travel, food, and entertainment expenses. Chances are, you already know this Bridesmaid will need financial assistance. She’s the one who always “forgets” to bring her wallet on group social outings. So decide up front if you are ready to cover her costs and, if not, either don’t ask or let her know exactly how much her participation (travel, lodging, food, dress, etc.) will cost her and then give her some time to decide whether or not can wants to be in your lineup.

2: The Party Animal

This is the Bridesmaid who doesn’t know when to say when. If you know she will be “the one” who gets sloshed at the engagement party and you are already trying to line up a “baby-sitter” to keep an eye on her for you at your Bachelorette Party…then you have probably also already had nightmares about her misbehaving and over-doing it on your wedding day. Have an adult conversation with her about your expectations and set some firm boundaries, but you need to be ready to enforce those boundaries and drop her from your “team” if she fails to act like a grown-up.

1: The Drama Queen

The primary role of a Bridesmaid is to help you decrease your stress as you get closer to your big day. But this Bridesmaid is the one who always adds to, multiplies, and compounds your stress levels instead. She’s the one who recently went through a bad breakup and winds up making that ugly Oprah cry-face whenever she is supposed to be helping you celebrate your growing happiness. She’s the one who is always late and you’ve already lied and told her the Ceremony will be at 2:00pm when it really doesn’t start until 5:00pm. This is the Bridesmaid who always makes everything about her, even at funerals for non-relatives. If these issues are not properly addressed and resolved in advance, her over-active drama-meter could go off the charts and turn your romantic comedy of a reception into a regrettable mock-umentary.

This was my second call from BBC Radio but the first time our schedules meshed and it was a lot of fun. You can hear the recording I made on my end here…enjoy!